Ohio Gozaimasu, Ohio!

It's more than official now.  I'm actually getting ready to relocate to Perrysburg, OH for a wonderful job at a wonderful company.  I still have some concerns and anxiety with moving there and all, but the anticipation is slowly growing.  This is not only my first relocation/move, but it's also the furthest I've ever moved.  I've only lived on the West Coast.  Ohio is a bit further East than I ever imagined.

Nevertheless, this event will be a new chapter in my life.  I've often feared that my lifetime would only exist in Seattle.  Well, here's my chance to live "somewhere else."  Granted, I had more beautiful places in mind, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.  My career absolutely begs for this opportunity.  To not accept it with the compensation they're offering would be missing out on a chance of a lifetime.

I anticipate doing more blogging once I'm there.  I'll have more time on my hands, that's for sure.  I may not have any readers still, but it does feel good to jot my thoughts down.

I hope you are all doing well.

"No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance."   ~ C.

Holy Toledo

It's simply surreal.  In a few days, I'll be getting an offer from a wonderful company located in Toledo, OH.  Not only have I never lived anywhere else besides Seattle and LA, but I've also never really been out East.  Barring a pathetic offer, I will be relocating there in the very near future.  As far as how and when everything and everyone else will work out, I suppose time will only tell.

Odd how only just a year ago I was planning on staying at Intermec for the long haul.  Life does change at the blink of an eye.  Of course, it can also drag on like a snail, but when it comes to changes...you gotta be ready to react.

Well, if this move truly does happen, then I suppose the next chapter will be a BIG page-turner.  Shoot, it may as well be a new volume.  Wow...I wonder just how much I'll end up missing Seattle and everyone here if I leave.

Considering how I'll be more alone, I think I'll be blogging more often if I end up in there.  Too bad no one's reading my blogs.  I may end up feeling more lonely.

Bitterness Is Not Just A Taste

I press on.  In an earlier post, I talked about the fragility of life's status quo.  One second, and everything can change.  Usually, we never see it coming.  Sadly, the change is usually something unpleasant.  Honestly, do you know anyone who has ever won the lottery?


You can only take so many punches in the gut, so many backhands to the face, before you start to hate life and all the surprises it throws at you.  I, for one, have not been in the best shape to absorb such blows in the past year or so.  As a result, I've become callous and bitter.  I hate life, because it betrays you like your so-called buddy in college who runs off with your date before you've had a chance to even say 'goodbye.'  Life is already hard.   I don't expect much, and yet I'm disappointed.

I'm left to pick up the pieces of shattered glass to make a new vase.  I never quite get close to a vase, so I settle for pretty pieces of glass instead.  Is that the point then:  to learn from mistakes, to appreciate what you do have, and to accept that life is random, unfair, and irrational?

"Gift," my ass...

QUOTE:
By three methods we may learn wisdom; first, by reflection, which is most noble; second, by imitation, which is most easy; and third, by experience, which is the most bitter.
~ Confucius

"Whatever Works"

I loved that movie.  It really does comfort me to know that my thoughts aren't so unique and rare.  Misery does love company, but cynicism depends on it.  You're not cynical unless you are surrounded by non-cynical folks.  On the freeway, you can't say you're going too fast unless there are slow drivers around.

Well, I continue to wear my "boxing gloves" around home.  I'm just waiting for the next round to start.  My wife seems to have figured it out, so she has ceased to push my limits.  However, I've become familiar with the gloves being on.  I don't trust her, this marriage, or the future to not bring hell and fury back into my life.

I've been scarred, and scars don't heal.  I will forever keep one foot out the door to keep me happy.

In case you've been wondering why I haven't been posting Confucius quotes it's because they don't apply to my blogs any longer.  My blog has now become an outlet for me to vent my disdain for this insanity we call "life."  I know I should change the title of this blog, but perhaps my rantings might create "confucous" wisdom by proxy?  You know, learn from my mistakes and experiences?  My blog, my rules.  (I know, I still don't have any followers, but in my head there are millions.)

Whatever works, right?

Google'd

Within a course of six hours, I went from feeling proud (first time in a long while) to feeling like $hit (as I've been prior to those six hours).  Who would've thunk that my college GPA would come back to haunt me with such vengeance?  I had an opportunity to interview at Google, but I'm passed over simply because my GPA wasn't high enough.  Granted, it was pitiful, but this position is completely unrelated to the field I majored in.  How does my performance in college forecast my ability to excel at Google?  It's akin to measuring one's ability to snore for a job opening in web design.


As I said in my plea, this GPA does not reflect my cognitive abilities, but rather a poor choice in selecting my field of undergraduate studies.


In the end, I didn't have enough "Googliness," which ironically makes me more cognizant of my shortcomings.  (How can anyone take that word seriously?  I know - the person who ends up landing this job, that's who.)

What day is it today?

Oh yeah, it's 1/28 today.  Was it really just last weekend that I wrote that last entry?

Well, the State of My Home has recovered from last week's "depression," but I remain skeptical.  However, I'm not sure if it's entirely skepticism or this subconscious resistance to positive change.   The State of My Mind remains...?  Confused.  Cynical.  Angry.  Sad.  Hurt. Pretty much anything short of average.

My friends would say that I don't have it so bad, but I believe in the following, "No one has walked a day in your shoes."  It's not so much that I hate my wife, I don't.  It's just that something "broke" inside my husband persona.  I can't find myself to trust or love her like I used to.  Perhaps that may melt away, but I will then question the authenticity and search my soul should it happen.

I don't wish to remain in this limbo.  My wife and I will begin marriage counseling soon.  We'll see how far that takes us.  Right now, there are forces beyond my immediate control that keeps us together.  Question is, is it the "dark side" or...something else?

"Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart." ~ C.

Eternity

In just one week, the stage changes again.

     In life, the blink of an eye holds an eternity.

Your heart will turn.
Your mind will turn.
Your soul will die once again.

Ergo, life is, in fact, too long.

The Irony Strikes Back

Still...puzzled    ...just had a pretty nice and normal day with my wife     ...in FOREVER     ...it was peaceful    ...and joyful        hopeful          humane           secure           reassuring            natural           ...and it just


SUCKS !!!  W T F !?!?!?!?




 w h y  i s  l i f e  n e v e r  o n  m y  t e r m s ?

Thoughts on marriage

There’s really no right answer to the marriage question.  Some people are meant to get married; some are not.  However, I think the best way to describe marriage is that it’s a very strict and challenging institution to succeed in.  You can take two very good people and STILL have a failed marriage.

Marriage isn’t the culprit though.  It’s really just not a natural arrangement for us ever-changing, sometimes prideful, sometimes selfish, sometimes unapologetic, and sinful human beings.  Not only do you have to tackle your own issues, but you also have to spend lots of time compromising and tackling your partner’s issues, all the while having a career and “new human beings” (children) to teach, care for, and raise.  Does that sound like fun…AT ALL?


No, I’m not knocking marriage.  Like I said once, there are people who excel in being both a spouse AND a parent. It’s just that marriage is not for most people as evident in the number of divorces there are.  Sure, there are several other reasons why divorce happens, but in a world with so many ambitious endeavors and selfish pursuits, a failed marriage will always be more common than not.

It's 2010! ...or simply "2009 + 2 days"

Happy New Year's everyone.  Do you feel any different?  I always find it amusing to see how folks act shortly after the strike of midnight.  It's as if they magically become an entirely different (and better) person...AS IF just two (or a few more) seconds ago you were unable to BE a better person.  This moment must be the most powerful and most "administered" placebo in the entire free world.  Alas, this cosmic transformational effect only lasts a few days, and those folks quickly again become the "losers" they once were only a mere week ago.

It's a great reminder that a "new year" is one 365-day process.  Give yourself time to fail in case it happens.  More importantly, FORgive yourself if you fail, because persistence is key.  The goal will remain - if necessary, until the following year.

All the very best in commitment, dedication, and prosperity to your resolutions.

"I hear and I forget.  I see and I remember.  I do and I understand." ~ C.